Free eBooks at Planet eBook.com 11able it was for him. He confessed to me that he had thoughts
of killing himself. But he began to be haunted by another
idea — an idea which he had at first regarded as impossi-
ble and unthinkable, though at last it got such a hold on
his heart that he could not shake it off. He dreamed of ris-
ing up, going out and confessing in the face of all men that
he had committed murder. For three years this dream had
pursued him, haunting him in different forms. At last he
believed with his whole heart that if he confessed his crime,
he would heal his soul and would be at peace for ever. But
this belief filled his heart with terror, for how could he carry
it out? And then came what happened at my duel.
‘Looking at you, I have made up my mind.’
I looked at him.
‘Is it possible,’ I cried, clasping my hands, ‘that such a
trivial incident could give rise to a resolution in you?’
‘My resolution has been growing for the last three years,’
he answered, ‘and your story only gave the last touch to it.
Looking at you, I reproached myself and envied you.’ He
said this to me almost sullenly.
‘But you won’t be believed,’ I observed; ‘it’s fourteen
years ago.’
‘I have proofs, great proofs. I shall show them.’
Then I cried and kissed him.
‘Tell me one thing, one thing,’ he said (as though it all
depended upon me), ‘my wife, my children! My wife may
die of grief, and though my children won’t lose their rank
and property, they’ll be a convict’s children and for ever!
And what a memory, what a memory of me I shall leave in