Listening with Understanding and Empathy
Those of us who work in schools are always rushing. When are we
not? The phrase “Do you have a minute?” is commonplace. And yet we
all know most interactions require more than 60 seconds. The systems-
savvy leader might be accustomed to fixing things, putting out fires, solv-
ing problems, and being the crisis-control person in the office. That
orientation can get things done in the short run—for now. But somehow
that problem resurfaces in another form just a few days later. How does this
happen? Systems-savvy people know there is the tip and there is the ice-
berg, and if we want to make change, dealing with 1 percent of the story
won’t do it. Those who are systems savvy know that listening with under-
standing and empathy is one way to make change stick and to help those
who work with them to become more self-directed and resourceful. They
understand the comment “Silence is never more golden than when you
hold it long enough to get all the facts and feelings before you speak.”
Consider this example. A new teacher comes to a colleague to discuss
her feelings of being overwhelmed. She is dealing with too many pres-
sures outside the school day—a new relationship and a family illness. On
top of those challenges, she faces the management of the various courses
she is teaching and the moving to and from the many different rooms she
works in each day. What does this teacher want from her colleague in
terms of an ear? The layers of listening required in this situation are many.
And yet most of us start with the “positional” ear—the one that hears with
our own role in the forefront. The principal might empathize and be a
cheerleader, presuming it is just a new teacher’s moment of panic and
nothing more. He has been around for decades and has heard many
teachers speak of being overwhelmed at the start of the school year. An
assistant principal in charge of facilities may listen to the scenario and
immediately think, “If I get her into one room, all might be OK.” A depart-
ment chair might listen and begin to feel overwhelmed herself, saying,
“This is going to be hard for me if she keeps crying and acting this way.
When will the parents begin to call?”
An immediate and most instinctive way to listen could be through the
filters of role. Starting from an immediate, first-person professional per-
spective might be the “default position,” but listening with understanding
298 Learning and Leading with Habits of Mind