This applies to persons with a neurotic sex psychology as much as to persons whose sex psychology is normal. For
instance, the relationship of a sadist and masochist rests on the fact that each senses and responds positively to the
weaknesses, flaws, secret doubts, and neurotic fears of the other. A major difference, however, is that, unlike a
healthy couple, the sadist and masochist would dread to conceptualize and face consciously the nature of that which
is being made visible between them.
From the above discussion, it should be clear why the optimal experience of visibility and self-objectification
requires interaction with a member of the opposite sex. A close friend of the same sex, with whom one enjoys a
mutuality of mind and values, perceives and responds to those traits which pertain to one's psychology qua human
being, but not qua sexual being. One's sexual personality can be perceived and appreciated abstractly by one's
friend, but it cannot be of great personal importance to him. A member of the opposite sex, with whom one enjoys
a strong mutuality of mind and values, is capable of perceiving and personally responding to one in both areas, i.e.,
qua human being and qua sexual being. The difference in the way one is viewed from the perspective of the same
sex and from the perspective of the opposite sex is thus crucial to the issues of experiencing full visibility.
Romantic love involves one's sense of visibility, not merely as a human being, but as a man or a woman.
It must be stressed that this experience of full visibility exists only as a potential in relation to the opposite sex, not
as an automatic actuality. Whether or not a man and woman of the same basic values and sense of life will respond
fully and personally to each other depends on many factors, such as the context or circumstances in which their
relationship occurs, the nature of their respective interests, the presence or absence on either side of emotional
involvements elsewhere, the presence or absence of repression in one or both of them, etc.
Further, a man and woman may be in love while not enjoying a full unity of mind and values, if there are major and
basic areas of affinity and mutuality between them. Even if they do not feel optimally visible to each other, they
may feel visible to a significant and enjoyable extent.