Love is an emotional response that involves two basic, related aspects: one regards the loved object as possessing
or embodying qualities that one values highly—and, as a consequence, one regards the loved object as a (real or
potential) source of pleasure. This applies to any category of love, not only romantic love.
In the case of romantic love, which is the most intense positive emotional response one human being can offer
another, one sees the loved object as possessing or embodying one's highest values, and as being crucially
important to one's personal happiness. "Highest," in this context, does not necessarily mean noblest or most exalted;
it means: most important, in terms of one's personal needs and desires and in terms of that which one most wishes
to find and experience in life. Further, one sees the loved object as being crucially important to one's sexual
happiness. This last is one of the defining characteristics of romantic love.
More than any other relationship, romantic love involves the objectification of one's self-value. (I am speaking of
genuine romantic love, not its counterfeit, infatuation; infatuation is an exaggerated, out-of-context response which
consists of selectively focusing on one or two aspects of a total personality, ignoring or being oblivious to the rest,
and responding as though the person were only those particular aspects.) Romantic love involves fundamental
visibility. The essence of the romantic love response is: "I see you as a person, and because you are what you are, I
desire you for my sexual happiness."
To understand why this is the most profound personal tribute one person can pay another, and why romantic love
involves the most intense expression and objectification of one's self-value, we must consider certain facts about
the nature and meaning of sex.
Of all the pleasures that a person can experience, sex is, potentially, the most intense. There are other pleasures that
can last longer across time, but none that is comparable in strength and intensity. Further, sex is a pleasure, not of
the body alone nor of the mind alone, but of the person—of the total entity. The pleasure of eating or walking or
swimming, for instance, is essentially physical; psychological factors are involved, but the pleasure is primarily of
the body. On the other hand, the enjoyment of productive work or of a stimulating discussion or of an artistic
performance is essentially intellectual; it is a pleasure of the mind. But sex is