atwork,andeverythingplayedhavocwithheremotions
athome.Justtotakeanovernighttripwithherfamily,
shehadtohiresomeonetostaywithLou,andeventhena
crisiswouldscuttletheplans.Onetime,shewentona
Caribbeanvacationwithherhusbandandkidsbuthadto
return after just three days. Lou needed her.
She felther sanity slipping.She wantedto be a good
daughter. She wanted her father to be safe, and she
wantedhimtobehappy.Butshewantedamanageable
life,too.Onenightsheaskedherhusband,shouldwefind
a place for him? She felt ashamed just voicing the
thought. It’d break her promise to her father.
Tomwasn’t muchhelp.“You’llmanage,”he toldher.
“How much more time is there?”
Lots,itwouldturnout.“Iwasbeinginsensitivetoher,”
Tomtoldme,lookingbackthreeyearslater.Shelleywas
reaching the breaking point.
Shehadacousinwhorananeldercareorganization.He
recommendedanursetocomeouttoassessLouandtalk
tohim,sothatShelleydidn’thavetobethebadguy.The
nursetoldLouthatgivenhisincreasedneeds,heneeded
morehelpthanhecouldgetathome.Heshouldn’tbeso
alone through the day, she said.
HelookedatShelleyimploringly,andsheknewwhathe
wasthinking.Couldn’tshejuststopworkingandbethere
for him?The questionfelt like a daggerin her chest.
Shelleytearedupandtoldhimthatshecouldn’tprovide
thecareheneeded—notemotionallyandnotfinancially.
Reluctantly,heagreedtolethertakehimtolookfora