Compoundingmatters, we haveno goodmetrics for a
place’ssuccessinassistingpeopletolive.Bycontrast,we
haveverypreciseratingsforhealthand safety.Soyou
canguesswhatgetstheattentionfrom thepeoplewho
run places for theelderly: whether Dad loses weight,
skips his medications, or has a fall, not whether he’s
lonely.
Most frustrating and important, Wilson said, assisted
livingisn’t really builtforthesake ofolderpeopleso
much as for the sake of their children. The children
usuallymakethedecisionaboutwheretheelderlylive,
andyoucanseeitinthewaythatplacessellthemselves.
They try to create what the marketers call “the
visuals”—thebeautiful,hotel-likeentryway,forinstance,
thatcaughtShelley’seye.Theytouttheircomputerlab,
their exercise center, and their trips to concerts and
museums—features that speak much more to what a
middle-agedpersondesiresforaparentthantowhatthe
parent does. Above all, they sell themselves as safe
places.Theyalmostneversellthemselvesasplacesthat
putaperson’schoicesabouthowheorshewantstolive
first and foremost. Because it’s often precisely the
parents’ cantankerousness and obstinacy about the
choicestheymakethatdrivechildrentobringthemon
thetour to begin with. Assistedliving hasbecome no
different in this respect than nursing homes.
A colleague once told her, Wilson said, “We want
autonomyfor ourselves andsafetyfor those welove.”
Thatremainsthemainproblemandparadoxforthefrail.
“Manyofthethingsthatwewantforthosewecareabout