arethingsthatwewouldadamantlyopposeforourselves
because they would infringe upon our sense of self.”
Sheputssomeoftheblameontheelderly.“Olderpeople
areinpartresponsibleforthisbecausetheydispersethe
decision making to their children. Part of it is an
assumptionaboutageandfrailty,andit’salsoabonding
thingthatgoesonfromolderpeopletochildren.It’ssort
of like, ‘Well, you’re in charge now.’”
But,shesaid,“It’stherarechildwhoisabletothink,‘Is
thisplacewhatMomwouldwantorlikeorneed?’It’s
morelikethey’reseeingitthroughtheirownlens.”The
childasks,“IsthisaplaceIwouldbecomfortableleaving
Mom?”
Lou had not been in the assisted living home a year
beforeitbecameinadequateforhim.He’dinitiallymade
thebestofit.HediscoveredtheoneotherJewishguyin
theplace,amannamedGeorge,andtheyhititoff.They
played cribbage and each Saturday went to temple, a
routineLouhadendeavoredallhislifetoavoid.Several
oftheladiestookspecialinterestinhim,whichhemostly
deflected. But not always. He had a little party one
eveninginhisapartment,atwhichhewasjoinedbytwo
ofhisadmirersandbrokeoutabottleofbrandyhe’dbeen
given.
“Thenmyfatherpassedoutandhithisheadonthefloor
andendedupintheemergencyroom,”Shelleysaid.He
could laughabout it later, when he got out of rehab.
“Look at that,” she recalled him saying. “I have the
women over. Then one little drink, and I pass out.”