madeunderherdress.Shewasreadytotryanything,and
Ifoundmyselffocusingonthenewsaboutexperimental
therapies for her lung cancer. After one of her
chemotherapies seemed to shrink the thyroid cancer
slightly, I even raisedwith her the possibility that an
experimental therapy could work against both her
cancers,which wassheerfantasy.Discussingafantasy
waseasier—lessemotional,lessexplosive,lessproneto
misunderstanding—thandiscussingwhatwashappening
before my eyes.
Between thelung cancer and thechemo, Sarabecame
steadilysicker.Shesleptmostofthetimeandcoulddo
little out of the house. Clinic notes from December
describe shortness of breath, dry heaves, coughing up
blood,severefatigue.Inadditiontothedrainagetubesin
herchest,sherequiredneedle-drainageproceduresinher
abdomeneveryweekortwotorelievetheseverepressure
from the liters of fluidthat the cancer wasproducing
there.
ACTscaninDecembershowedthatthelungcancerwas
spreadingthroughherspine,liver,andlungs.Whenwe
met in January, she could move only slowly and
uncomfortably.Herlowerbodyhadbecomesoswollen
thatherskinwastaut.Shecouldn’tspeakmorethana
sentencewithoutpausingforbreath.Bythefirstweekof
February,sheneededoxygenathometobreathe.Enough
time had elapsed since her pulmonary embolism,
however, that she could starton Pfizer’s experimental
drug.Shejustneededonemoresetofscansforclearance.
Theserevealedthatthecancerhad spreadtoherbrain,
withatleastninemetastaticgrowthsuptohalfaninchin