family, complete with a button-nosed Santa and their
namesacrossthetop.Sheorganizedagroupthattookan
annual subscription to attend performances at the
KennedyCenterforthePerformingArts.Shedroveabig
V8ChevroletImpala,sittingonacushiontoseeoverthe
dashboard.Sheranerrands,visitedfamily,gavefriends
rides,anddeliveredmeals-on-wheelsforthosewithmore
frailties than herself.
Astimewenton,itbecamehardnottowonderhowmuch
longershe’dbeabletomanage.Shewasapetitewoman,
five feet tall at most, and although she bristled when
anyonesuggested it,shelost someheight andstrength
with each passing year. When I married her
granddaughter,Alicebeamedandheldmecloseandtold
mehowhappytheweddingmadeher,butshe’dbecome
too arthritic to share a dance with me. And still she
remained in her home, managing on her own.
Whenmyfathermether,hewassurprisedtolearnshe
livedbyherself.Hewasaurologist,whichmeanthesaw
manyelderlypatients,anditalwaysbotheredhimtofind
them living alone. The way he saw it, if they didn’t
alreadyhaveseriousneeds,theywereboundtodevelop
them,andcomingfromIndiahefeltitwasthefamily’s
responsibility totake theagedin, givethemcompany,
andlookafterthem.SincearrivinginNewYorkCityin
1963 forhisresidencytraining,myfatherhadembraced
virtuallyeveryaspectofAmericanculture. Hegaveup
vegetarianismanddiscovereddating.Hegotagirlfriend,
a pediatrics resident from a part of India where they
didn’tspeakhislanguage.Whenhemarriedher,instead
oflettingmygrandfatherarrangehismarriage,thefamily