time would tell which of thetwo surgeons wasright.
Nonetheless,Benzel hadmade theefforttounderstand
whatmyfathercaredaboutmost,andtomyfatherthat
countedforalot.Evenbeforethevisitwashalfwayover,
he had decided Benzel was the one he would trust.
Intheend,Benzelwasalsotheonewhoprovedright.As
timepassed,myfathernoticednochangeinsymptoms.
Hedecidedtoputoffthefollow-upappointment.Itwas
ultimately a yearbefore he returned to see Benzel. A
repeatMRIshowedthetumorhadenlarged.Yetphysical
examinationfoundnodiminishmentinmydad’sstrength,
sensation,ormobility.Sotheydecidedtogoprimarilyby
howhefelt, notby whatthepictureslookedlike.The
MRIreportswouldsayhauntingthings,liketheimaging
“demonstratessignificantincreaseinsizeofthecervical
massatthelevelofthemedullaandmidbrain.”Butfor
monthsatastretch,nothingoccurredtochangeanything
relevant for how he lived.
Theneckpainremainedannoying,butmyfatherfigured
outthebestpositionsforsleepingatnight.Whenchilly
weathercame,hefoundthathisnumblefthandbecame
bone-cold.Hetookto wearingagloveoverit,Michael
Jackson-style,evenindoorsathome.Otherwise,hekept
ondriving,playingtennis,doingsurgery,livinglifeashe
had been. He and his neurosurgeon knew what was
coming.Buttheyalsoknewwhatmatteredtohimandleft
wellenough alone.Thiswas,Irememberthinking,just
the way I ought to make decisions with my own
patients—the way we all ought to in medicine.
DURINGMEDICALSCHOOL,my fellowclassmates andI
were assigned to read a short paper by two medical