smalltalk,andherfamilytoldmeabitabouther.She’d
once been a singer. She became Miss Massachusetts
1956.Afterward,NatKingColeaskedhertojoinhistour
asabackupsinger.Butshediscoveredthatthelifeofan
entertainerwasnotwhatshewanted.Soshecamehome
toBoston.ShemetArthurDouglass,whotookoverhis
family’sfuneralhomebusinessaftertheymarried.They
raised four children but suffered through the death of
theiroldestchild,ason,atayoungage.Shewaslooking
forwardtogettinghometoherfriendsandfamilyandto
takingatriptoFloridatheyhadplannedtogetawayfrom
all this cancer business. She was eager to leave the
hospital.
Nonetheless,Idecidedtopush.Herewasanopeningto
discussherfuture,andIrealizeditwasoneIneededto
take.Buthowtodoit?WasIjusttoblurtout,“Bythe
way,thecancerisgettingworseandwillprobablyblock
youup,again”?BobArnold,apalliativecarephysician
I’dmetfromtheUniversityofPittsburgh,hadexplained
tomethatthemistakecliniciansmakeinthesesituations
is that theysee their task as just supplying cognitive
information—hard, cold facts and descriptions. They
wanttobeDr.Informative.Butit’sthemeaningbehind
theinformationthatpeoplearelookingformorethanthe
facts.Thebestwaytoconveymeaningistotellpeople
whattheinformationmeanstoyouyourself,hesaid.And
he gave me three words to use to do that.
“I am worried,” I told Douglass. The tumorwas still
there,Iexplained,and Iwasworried theblockagewas
likely to come back.