people—theyoungandtheold—awayoflifewithmore
liberty and control, including the liberty to be less
beholdentoothergenerations.Thevenerationofelders
maybe gone, butnot becauseit hasbeenreplacedby
venerationofyouth.It’sbeenreplacedbyvenerationof
the independent self.
THEREREMAINSONE problemwith thisway ofliving.
Ourreverenceforindependencetakesnoaccountofthe
reality of what happens in life: sooner or later,
independencewillbecomeimpossible.Seriousillnessor
infirmitywillstrike.Itisasinevitableassunset.Andthen
anewquestionarises:Ifindependenceiswhatwelive
for, what do we do when it can no longer be sustained?
In 1992,Alice turned eighty-four.She wasin striking
health.She’dhadtomakeatransitiontofalseteethand
undergoremovalofcataractsinbotheyes.Thatwasall.
She’dhadnomajorillnessesorhospitalizations.Shestill
wenttothegymwithherfriendPollyanddidherown
shoppingandtookcareofherhouse.JimandNanoffered
hertheoptionofturningtheirbasementintoanapartment
forher.Shemightfinditeasiertobethere,theysaid.She
wouldn’thearofit.Shehadnointentionofnotlivingon
her own.
Butthingsbegantochange.Onamountainvacationwith
thefamily,Alicedidn’tturnupforlunch.Shewasfound
sitting in the wrongcabin, wondering where everyone
was.We’dneverseenherconfusedlikethatbefore.The
familykeptacloseeyeonherforthenextfewdays,but
nothingelseuntoward happened.Weall letthematter
drop.