Hedidnotfeelthisresponsibilitytobeaburden.With
thenarrowing ofhis ownlife,his abilitytolook after
Bella had become his main source of self-worth.
“Iamexclusivelyhercaregiver,”hesaid.“Iamgladto
be.”Andthisrolehadheightenedhissensethathemust
be attentive to thechangesin his owncapabilities; he
wouldbenogoodtoherifhewasn’thonestwithhimself
about his own limitations.
One evening, Felix invited me to dinner. The formal
dining hall was restaurant-like, with reserved seating,
table service, and jackets required. I was wearing my
whitehospitalcoatandhadtoborrowanavyblazerfrom
themaîtred’inordertobeseated.Felix,inabrownsuit
andastone-coloredoxfordshirt,gavehisarmtoBella,
who worea blue-flowered knee-lengthdress that he’d
pickedoutforher,andguidedhertothetable.Shewas
amiableandchattyandhadyouthful-seemingeyes.But
onceshe’d been seated,she couldn’t find the plate in
frontof her,letalonethemenu.Felixorderedforher:
wild-rice soup, an omelette, mashed potatoes, and
mashedcauliflower.“Nosalt,”heinstructedthewaiter;
she had high blood pressure. He ordered salmon and
mashedpotatoesforhimself.IhadthesoupandaLondon
broil.
Whenthefoodarrived,FelixtoldBellawhereshecould
find thedifferent itemsonher plateby thehands ofa
clock.Heputaforkinherhand.Thenheturnedtohis
own meal.
Bothmadeapointofchewingslowly.Shewasthefirstto
choke.Itwastheomelette.Hereyeswatered.Shebegan