3 •Dependence

It isnot deaththattheveryoldtellmetheyfear.Itis

whathappensshortofdeath—lossingtheirhearing,their
memory,theirbestfriends,theirwayoflife.AsFelixput
ittome,“Oldageisacontinuousseriesoflosses.”Philip
RothputitmorebitterlyinhisnovelEveryman:“Oldage
is not a battle. Old age is a massacre.”

With luck and fastidiousness—eating well, exercising,
keepingourbloodpressureundercontrol,gettingmedical
helpwhenweneedit—peoplecanoftenliveandmanage
averylongtime.Buteventuallythelossesaccumulateto
thepointwhere life’sdailyrequirementsbecomemore
thanwecanphysicallyormentallymanageonourown.
Asfewerofusarestruckdeadoutoftheblue,mostofus
willspendsignificantperiodsofourlivestooreducedand
debilitated to live independently.

Wedonotliketothinkaboutthiseventuality.Asaresult,
mostofusareunpreparedforit.Werarelypaymorethan
glancingattentiontohowwewilllivewhenweneedhelp
until it’s too late to do much about it.

WhenFelixcametothiscrossroads,theorthopedicshoe
to drop wasn’t his. It was Bella’s. Year by year, I
witnessed the progression in her difficulties. Felix
remained in astonishingly good health right into his
nineties. He had nomedical crises and maintained his
weekly exercise regimen. He continued to teach
chaplaincy students about geriatrics and to serve on
OrchardCove’shealthcommittee.Hedidn’tevenhaveto
stopdriving.ButBella wasfading.Shelosther vision
completely. Her hearing became poor. Her memory