I was shocked out of this resignation two weeks into the fall
semester, when I awoke one night to a blinding pain in my jaw. I’d
never felt anything so acute, so electrifying. I wanted to rip my jaw
from my mouth, just to be rid of it. I stumbled to a mirror. The source
was a tooth that had been chipped many years before, but now it had
fractured again, and deeply. I visited a dentist, who said the tooth had
been rotting for years. It would cost fourteen hundred dollars to repair.
I couldn’t afford to pay half that and stay in school.
I called home. Mother agreed to lend me the money, but Dad
attached terms: I would have to work for him next summer. I didn’t
even consider it. I said I was finished with the junkyard, finished for
life, and hung up.
I tried to ignore the ache and focus on my classes, but it felt as
though I were being asked to sit through a lecture while a wolf gnawed
on my jaw.
I’d never taken another ibuprofen since that day with Charles, but I
began to swallow them like breath mints. They helped only a little. The
pain was in the nerves, and it was too severe. I hadn’t slept since the
ache began, and I started skipping meals because chewing was
unthinkable. That’s when Robin told the bishop.
He called me to his office on a bright afternoon. He looked at me
calmly from across his desk and said, “What are we going to do about
your tooth?” I tried to relax my face.
“You can’t go through the school year like this,” he said. “But there’s
an easy solution. Very easy, in fact. How much does your father make?”
“Not much,” I said. “He’s been in debt since the boys wrecked all the
equipment last year.”
“Excellent,” he said. “I have the paperwork here for a grant. I’m sure
you’re eligible, and the best part is, you won’t have to pay it back.”
I’d heard about Government grants. Dad said that to accept one was
to indebt yourself to the Illuminati. “That’s how they get you,” he’d
said. “They give you free money, then the next thing you know, they
own you.”
These words echoed in my head. I’d heard other students talk about
their grants, and I’d recoiled from them. I would leave school before I
would allow myself to be purchased.