The 7 Rules of Care and EmpathyConsent is when every person feels safe and comfortable in any –
including sexual – scenario and wishes to do the same thing and let the
other person or people know.
Rule 1: Only an enthusiastic yes means yes. Everything else is no.
Consent means hearing the word "yes". Silence isn’t consent.
"Maybe" isn’t consent. "I guess so" isn’t consent and if you hear no, you
stop whatever you are doing.
Rule 2: Talk about it.
Don’t make assumptions about what someone is comfortable with in
general or sexually. It’s up to both of you to learn each other's limits.
That’s why you ask questions like "Do you feel comfortable moving to
the next level?" Trust is key. Never assume you have a yes; it’s not up to
the other person to say "no"; it’s up to you to listen for the "yes".
Rule 3: Permission is non-negotiable.
Nothing you’ve already done gives you permission to do the next
thing. You’re kissing like mad; she’s totally into it; that must mean it’s
okay to get your hand under her shirt. Wrong. You’ve got your clothes
off and you’re all over each other; that must mean it’s okay to have
intercourse. Wrong.
The truth is that, unless you’re involved in a regular relationship and
have already worked out a set of rules, every time you go to a new
"level" you’ve got to get consent.
Some people might say, "That's not romantic. That totally breaks the
flow."
It depends on how you do it and how you bring it up. By both of you
knowing you’re doing and what you want, there’ll be much more sexual