later, when Earl did it again, she got more upset with him. In-
stead of focusing on the fact that he got there and being happy
to see him, she became upset. Earl felt Dawn was too demand-
ing.
Once Dawn discovered her mistake, she didn’t give him a
disapproving look or complain the next time he was late. That
evening they had a great date. After he kissed her good night,
he apologized and thanked her for not minding that he was
late.
Dawn learned the importance of being responsive to a man’s
efforts and saved her relationship. It is these little misunder-
standings that can prevent a couple from moving through the
five stages of dating.
When Joel Emptied the TrashIn the beginning, Joel used to empty Veronica’s trash, and
she was happy and responsive. Later she started occasionally
doing his laundry, and she felt the least he could do was to
keep emptying her trash. When he emptied the trash for her
and she had no positive response, he immediately noticed.
When he asked if she noticed that he had emptied her trash,
she just argued. She said, “I don’t expect you to be excited
when I do your laundry, so why do I have to make a big deal
out of it when you empty my trash?”
Veronica won the argument, but Joel stopped emptying the
trash. She just didn’t understand that men are different and
they lose their feelings of attraction for a woman when she is
not responsive. Eventually, she learned that when she was re-
sponsive to Joel and appreciated his efforts with positive re-
sponses, not only was he happier, but he became more inter-
ested in doing things for her. This kind of support made her
even happier and more responsive.
84 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.