It is a myth that women don’t get
involved with nice guys.One of the reasons men think women don’t like nice guys
is that when women reject men they almost always say, “You’re
nice, but I would just like to be friends.” It is easy to conclude
that women reject nice guys.
Every time a nice guy is rejected, he then mistakenly assumes
it is because he was nice. This experience is compounded by
the recurring situation of a woman complaining about a past
relationship. If she is complaining, then she tends to focus on
what a jerk the guy was. So once again a nice guy can’t figure
women out and wonders why she got so involved with a jerk.
The answer to this question is that when she first met him she
thought he was nice.
Women like nice guys, but they are turned off when a man
seems too nice. When a woman is in stage one or two and a
man behaves as if he is in stage three, four, or five, then she
can easily lose interest. She feels he wants too much, he expects
too much, and he gives too much, so she feels obligated to give
back more than she is ready to. If he is too nice, then she is
afraid of getting involved and hurting him. If he is really nice,
she may also feel afraid that when he finds out that she is not
always as nice as he, he will abandon her.
When women seem to be attracted to men who “don’t really
care,” it is because these men are clearly in stage one or two,
which is the appropriate stage to begin a relationship. When
a man pursues a woman but is not yet sure about exclusivity
and beyond, it can make him very attractive.
He is attractive to her because for a woman to open up and
get to know a man she must also feel it is safe to back out and
be unsure. When a man comes on really strong, it
MAKING IT THROUGH THE FIVE STAGES / 139