A successful Martian would be turned off if someone in the
world of work approached him for a job and then immediately
turned around, asking him about his feelings, goals, and plans.
Before an employer is willing to talk about himself, first he
wants to know if the job candidate is qualified for the job.
Who’s hiring whom is a very important part of the equation.
For a man, asking a lot of questions on a date would be like
going to a very successful company for a job interview and
asking about its plans for the future or how it first got started.
Not only would that be insulting, but he wouldn’t get the job.
During the first few dates a man is presenting his résumé:
“Here I am; this is what I have done and can do. Ask me any-
thing.” This is his Martian way of opening up and sharing
himself. To her, however, when he talks about himself, it is as
if he is not interested in her, as if he doesn’t want to get to
know her. From his perspective it is just the opposite; the
reason he is talking about himself is that he wants to get to
know her. He is sharing himself, waiting for her to open up
and share with him. She, however, is waiting for him to show
some interest and ask her questions.
The first few dates for a man are like presenting
his résumé: “Here I am; this is what I have done
and can do. Ask me anything.”Martians pursue a job only if they want it. A man doesn’t
go to the trouble of trying out or proving himself for just any-
body. Putting yourself out there to possibly be rejected or fail
is not fun. If he is asking her out and then proceeding to talk
about himself, it is because deep inside he cares a lot, enough
to try to impress her and risk failure. To understand this dif-
218 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.