People who feel that romantic rituals reinforce the role of
women as helpless, needy, and dependent on men do not un-
derstand the true spirit of a man’s providing something for a
woman. They mistakenly conclude that if a woman receives a
man’s support, she is then obligated to provide him with
sexual favors.
This mistaken conclusion is arrived at when a woman doesn’t
readily understand that by receiving a man’s gift, she has
already given him a gift.
A man’s gift is to be responsible for a
woman’s fulfillment, while a woman’s gift is
to be responsive and receptive to his gift.To understand these dynamics, it is very important to under-
stand how women and men experience emotional fulfillment
in different ways. What makes women feel good is not always
the same as what makes men feel good. We can most dramat-
ically discover what makes us feel good by exploring what
make us feel bad or unfulfilled. By exploring the different
causes of depression in men and women, we can clearly see
how different our needs are.
THE DIFFERENT CAUSES OF DEPRESSION
The major cause of depression in women is feeling isolated.
When women are most unhappy, it is when they feel that they
have to do it all and there is no one there for them. This sense
of having to be completely responsible for themselves and
others becomes a source of depression.
The major cause of depression
in women is feeling isolated.312 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.