A big part of preparing ourselves is getting to know
ourselves. As teenagers, we are still getting to know what it
means to be masculine or feminine. Dating the opposite sex is
exciting because we are getting to know not only the opposite
sex but ourselves as well. When we are younger we date not
to find a soul mate but to learn about ourselves and explore
our feelings of attraction.
These feelings of attraction are generally crushes. We may
think we love someone, but we are really infatuated. We are
thrilled by the anticipation of being with someone, and then
when we actually get to know the person we are not so excited.
Certainly we are experiencing some genuine attraction, affec-
tion, and interest, but it has not yet ripened into real soul love.
Going through this process is, however, an important part of
preparing to find the right person.
Sometimes, after a relationship fails or if we feel rejected,
even if we are much older, we will need to date for a while
just to feel good about ourselves as a man or woman. Once we
feel secure that we are attractive to the opposite sex, then we
are ready to move beyond the first stage of dating and more
seriously consider an exclusive relationship.
AUTONOMY IS THE BASIS FOR INTIMACY
In our twenties we are generally getting to know ourselves as
autonomous beings separate from and not fully dependent on
our parents. We need to experiment and explore who we are,
what we like, what we don’t like, what we can do, what we
need, and what we don’t need.
As we become more autonomous and
mature, we automatically begin looking
for more in our relationships.24 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.