looked him the eyes, listened attentively, and with a little smile
she nodded her head now and then. It was a sad sight.
When Phoebe would occasionally say something, instead of
drawing her more into the conversation, Larry very quickly
started expounding again. It was easy to tell that he really liked
what he was saying, but it was also easy to see that Phoebe
was being polite but felt bored and left out.
What could have been a delightful evening was a disappoint-
ment for both. They never connected because Larry did all the
talking.
If Larry had understood Venusians, he would have asked
Phoebe more questions to draw her out. If Phoebe had under-
stood Martians, she would have just interrupted and talked
more instead of continuing to politely listen and ask questions.
A man doesn’t instinctively understand manners on Venus.
In some ways he is like a bull in a china shop, oblivious of the
effect he is having. He doesn’t realize that a woman will feel
most supported and impressed when he listens with interest
rather than talking about himself or giving advice. This small
insight can make a world of difference.
ASKING FOR HER NUMBER
What makes dating difficult is not understanding the opposite
sex. A man wonders if he should ask a woman for her number
or not. He wonders how to get it. He wonders if she is attracted
to him.
He doesn’t realize his power to win her over and become
attractive to her. He doesn’t realize how he starts becoming
more attractive to her by:
- first initiating eye contact
- just noticing her
36 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.