Model Marriage
Mistrust
Q. I believe my husband is hiding things from me. He says he’ll be back in 10 minutes, but returns hours
later with various excuses, like he went to look for an ATM machine.
A. Trust is built over a period, it does not just happen. What appears to be happening in this relationship is that
communication has broken or is breaking down. When that happens, each person tends to second-guess the other’s
motives and actions. It might well be that the “excuses” are genuine; however, because of the lack of communication
and a general atmosphere of mistrust, he cannot be believed.
On the other hand, these may be signs of possible unfaithfulness developing.
Both parties are advised to improve upon communication in the marriage. A wife must boldly ask her husband
where he goes, without arousing controversy. There must be more openness/transparency. Furthermore, the wife
must examine herself and see if there is something she is doing that makes her husband want to stay out instead of
remaining at home.
(Refer to Chapter 6 pg. 20 “Openness”; Chapter 9 pg. 32-36 “Communication in Marriage”; Chapter 10 pg. 37-
39,“Faithfulness and Unfaithfulness in Marriage”).
Q. My wife does not relate well with my friends: especially those of the opposite sex. What do I do?
A. I believe it is an issue of insecurity. It is the responsibility of every husband to make sure his wife feels
secure and firm in the driving seat. When this is absent, it shows sometimes in her hostile reaction towards the
husband’s female friends.
It is recommended that married people must have mutual friends as much as possible. If a husband’s female
friends do not get on well with his wife and vise versa, such friendships must be discontinued to ensure stability of
the marriage. The couple should work out a compromise.
The most important remedy, however, is to ensure that everything is done to make the wife feel secure. Trust in
the relationship must be nurtured. The wife should also work on her insecurities.
(Refer to Chapter 7 pg. 22-27 “Christian Home”; Chapter 10 pg. 37-39 “Faithfulness and Unfaithfulness in
Marriage”).
Q. I have a fear that my wife will one day be in the hands of another lover. How can I deal with this?
A. You must first be able to place a finger on exactly what gives you such fears. Is it what you have
experienced in the past, or in your background? Is it that she appears to be happier and more comfortable in the
company of other men? Or that you believe you are not able to satisfy her enough?
Whatever it is, you should try and identify the source of the fear and deal with it. Here again, communication,
when good, will be able to unearth the problem. The husband must vent his fears in the appropriate manner and
atmosphere.
Furthermore, whenever he sees himself falling short, he must redouble his efforts to ensure that his wife is happy.
Suspicion indicates the absence of real love (agape), for perfect love casts out all fear.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that
feareth is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18
Unfaithfulness is also a spirit, so it must be tackled spiritually through prayer. Finally, the husband must deal with
his insecurity by forging closer friendship with his wife.
(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-31 “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Chapter 10 pg. 37-39 “Faithfulness and
Unfaithfulness in Marriage”).