Model Marriage
Q. My wife is not romantic and she does not like sex at all.
A. First of all, it must be borne in mind that sex is the only thing that differentiates the institution of marriage
from an ordinary relationship between friends or even siblings. It is therefore a very vital part of the marriage.
Secondly, every husband ought to know that wives are very different from men in their attitude and response to
the sex question. Whereas many a young Christian man enters into marriage primarily for the sexual experience, the
motivation for women is completely different. (Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 105 The Key of Acceptance ––“Accept the
“Masculinity” or “Femininity” of Your Spouse”).
The net effect of this is that every husband must accept the fact that he is the initiator in the marriage. The
husband must therefore dwell with his wife according to knowledge. He must know when to make a move, how to
make the advances, when to pursue and when to pause. It is all an art that comes or gets better with dwelling together
as a couple.
For the woman, it takes more to be turned on. Indeed, how a husband speaks with his wife in the morning
before he leaves for work could influence the kind of reception he receives in the evening in the bedroom. Women
are more inclined to harbouring hurts. So in order to have pleasurable, unimpeded and unfettered sexual intercourse
with your wife, every husband must virtually woo his wife. Do not behave like a master who is demanding his pound
of flesh. Find out what makes your wife feel loved and it will release her sexually.
(Refer to Chapter 31 pg. 140-141, “Pleasurable Sex”).
Q. She lays down too many conditions concerning sex. I have to talk too much before she gives in.
Every wife should bear in mind that it is her God-given duty to satisfy her husband sexually. In fact, she will not
be doing him any favour by agreeing to have sex with him. The fact that he is a Christian does not mean he cannot
be tempted by a “strange woman” who presents sex to him on a silver platter, without sweat.
A wife must see it as a privilege given by God that she is the only person her husband is permitted to engage in
sex with. Once you appreciate it that way, I believe you will not withhold yourself from your husband.
A wife should know that one of her roles as a total wife is to be a sex partner and she must discharge that role
with love and excitement. She must also initiate sex with her husband. Laying down conditions concerning sex is
not the best way to perform your God-given duty.
If a wife feels there are certain things she needs from her husband, she must not use sex as a weapon to obtain
her demands. In the exchange of vows, the wife commits to give herself “fully” to her husband with no strings
attached. Learn to discuss issues amicably, without using what you exclusively provide for your spouse as a means
to get at him. Love is not self-seeking and does not insist on her own.
(Refer to Chapter 10 pg. 37-39,“Faithfulness and Unfaithfulness in Marriage”; Chapter 12 pg. 48-52, “Duties
of the Wife”; Chapter 13 pg. 53-54, “The Total Wife”).
Q. Sex is a scarce commodity in our marriage.
A. One of the basic biblical reasons for marriage is to avoid fornication and so that those who do not have the
gift of self-control might marry and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ’s body. We are to conduct our
marriages such that Satan does not take advantage of us. When sex becomes a scarce commodity––something you
want but cannot get from the legitimate source, it opens the door for various temptations and sins. Do not give place
to the devil.
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have
her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the
wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise
also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other,
except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come
together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
1 Corinthians 7:1-5
(Refer to Chapter 12 pg. 49,“Duties of the Wife––Provide Sexually for Your Husband”; Chapter 13 pg. 53, “The
Total Wife––A Sex Partner”).