Typical Questions of Married Couples and the AnswersQ. Sex is no longer exciting. I need more styles.
A. Having exciting sex in a marriage is the responsibility of both husband and wife. You must both be
committed to deriving the best from the gift that God has given. If you need more exciting styles, go for it!
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). There is no need to stay with something you
are not enjoying when you are allowed to explore the sex act with different positions.
There is no law in Scripture against being innovative sexually, within the context of the marriage. As the marriage
grows all things settle into a routine. This usually robs the marriage of excitement. It is therefore the responsibility
of the couple to introduce certain things that will rekindle the flame. Try new positions, that is, sexual styles. Do
not be content with the old “missionary position”.
When wives introduce some of these innovations it tends to be more exciting. Wives, try and surprise your
husband sometimes with some new styles. It will take the monotony and predictability in your sex life away.
However, it must be emphasized that being romantic in the marriage is neither a duty for men nor women. It is a
responsibility for both parties to ensure that the flame keeps burning.
Encourage your spouse to flow with the exploration and assure him/her that it will take you to higher levels. There
is no need to chide your spouse about something that he/she may not be used to. Accept also the fact that as with
food, there will be ordinary days and exhilarating (exciting) days. Do not fall into the deception that another woman
will be more exciting. She is not a wife yet.
(Refer to Chapter 33 pg. 145-149, “Exciting Sex”).
Q. He wants to have sex weekly.
A. The sexual life of a couple is a thermometer of their relationship and love (see the “Sexometer” in Chapter
28 pg. 127). As a husband, your role as a total husband is to satisfy your wife sexually. To sentence her to once
weekly is not fair.
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have
her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the
wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise
also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other,
except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come
together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
1 Corinthians 7:1-5
However, there may be other reasons that are affecting the husband’s libido: medical, stress from work, tiredness,
or even unfaithfulness.
(Refer to Chapter 11 pg. 43-47, “Duties of the Husband; Chapter 35 pg. 158, “Common Fears about Sex––Fear
of Impotence”)
Q. He prefers sleeping on the sofa instead of with me in our bed.
A. When a husband’s attitude is to sleep apart from his wife it may be that he is avoiding intimacy with her or
it may be just a bad habit he has acquired of preferring the sofa to the bedroom. If the former is the case, then it is
possible that he does not enjoy sex with his wife. This may be because he is getting satisfaction somewhere else or
that his wife just does not turn him on any longer.
Sometimes, people behave this way when they are engaging in extra-marital relationships and are feeling guilty
about it. They therefore avoid getting close to their wives.
The couple must find a conducive time and atmosphere and talk about the problem. The wife can adopt an
attitude of being with him in the sitting room when he is there and coax him gradually into the bedroom, that is, if
the latter reason is the cause of his sleeping on the sofa.
This attitude can also point to the fact that the husband is no longer interested in sex. It is not a normal thing.
The wife must therefore redouble her efforts, in addition to talking about it and identifying what is going wrong, to
attract and hold him once again. Become sexy again, if you think you lost it.
(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30,“Love in Marriage––Agape”; Chapter 9 pg. 32-36 “Communication in
Marriage”).