Model Marriage
Q. She will not have sex with me at dawn.
A. There is no particular time laid down for having sex. If your wife does not like dawn, one must compromise
and initiate it at at the times when the wife is amenable to the whole idea. Think in terms of two and not one. These
things are solved by compromising. The qualities of love will win. The wife must also think in the same way.
(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30,“Love in Marriage––Agape”).
Q. He does not compliment me. He is only expressive in the bedroom. He says, “I love you” once in 2
months.
A. Husbands must understand that wives respond very much to things they hear while they (men) respond more
to things they see and touch. What this means is that the more you say things they like, to their hearing, the more
they open up to you.
Complimenting wives is so important a gesture that all husbands must learn to do it. When it is only done at times
when you want to have sex, it exposes the manipulative intent of the compliment. Be liberal with complimenting
your wife and let your actions back your words.
Wives must also understand that by their upbringing, some husbands struggle very much with giving
compliments. Know your man and help him to learn it if he is that type. Learn also to be confident in who God says
you are, even if you are not complimented.
(Refer to Chapter 25 pg.106, “The Key of Acceptance––Accept the ‘Masculinity’ or ‘Femininity’of Your
Spouse”).
Q. My husband’s penis does not get hard enough and sometimes does not get hard at all.
A. These may be signs of temporary or “permanent” impotence. They are conditions that may require the help
of a doctor. Wives must however bear in mind that there are several things that can also create such results. For
example, too much stress, guilt and tiredness. It is therefore the responsibility of the wife to be reassuring during
these times. The worst a wife can do is to taunt the husband. If it persists, then it is time to see a doctor. If it happens
that he is diagnosed impotent then you must accept him in love and believe God for a miracle or the strength to live
joyfully with the situation.
(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Chapter 35 pg. 158, “Common Fears about
Sex––Fear of Impotence”).
Q. My husband’s penis softens in the course of sex.
A. There are probably a lot of things on his mind. The mind is the greatest sex organ and when a person’s mind
is loaded with stresses from work, tiredness, financial pressures, quarrels, etc. the ability to achieve an erection is
affected. The wife should be very reassuring and not condemning. Try to make the home a place for peace and
refreshing. Seek medical help.
(Refer to Chapter 7 pg. 23, “The Christian Home––The Importance of the Home to the Husband and Wife”;
Chapter 35 pg. 158, “Common Fears about Sex––Fear of Impotence”).
Q. She doesn’t like talking about sex.
A. Virtually all women do not like talking about sex. Indeed, some men also fall into this category. People
will only engage in such conversation in an atmosphere of friendship, trust and total security. If you want your wife
to discuss sex freely make sure she can discuss other things more freely with you. If you provide an atmosphere of
trust and security, then it is likely that she can relax sufficiently to talk about sex.
(Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 106, “The Key of Acceptance––Accept the ‘Masculinity’ or ‘Femininity’ of Your
Spouse”).
Q. He refuses to bath in the evenings, which I find irritating and uncomfortable.
A. Pleasurable sex demands that both parties must be relaxed and comfortable. If one party refuses to go the
extra mile to make the other comfortable, they will be sowing the seeds of discord, which will also rob them of
pleasure in sex.