Model Marriage
The husband must first examine himself and see if he himself treats his wife with respect. This is seen by the way
you talk to her and also, by whether you include her in making decisions. People usually respond to people who treat
them with respect and decency, with an equal or more dose(s) of respect.
On the other hand, a few warped thinkers take the position that the harsher and more uncontrollable a wife is, the
more she can get her husband to do things for her.
Wives are enjoined to submit to their own husbands in everything. The Bible says it is better to dwell at the corner
of a roof than to dwell in the same house with a loud, contentious woman.
The husband must show leadership in the way he speaks to his wife. As he shows this example, his wife, if
spiritual, will learn from it and speak well and with respect.
Furthermore, the husband should identify a conducive time and raise the issue with his wife. Talk about the
conduct and not the woman and learn to forgive each other.
(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30,“Love in Marriage––Agape”; Chapter 9 pg. 32-36, “Communication in
Marriage”).
Q. She corrects me in anger and is very disrespectful when she is angry and can say things that a
Christian should not say.
A. No matter how much you are provoked you should, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your
mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29).
It is not appropriate for the wife to throw all Christian etiquette out of the window and just follow her anger
and bitterness into talking carelessly and behaving disrespectfully. If on the other hand your wife is sensitive
about certain issues then pray for the grace to be able to speak a word in its season so as not to generate much
provocation. “Let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24) rather than
to provoke one another to hatred and bitterness.
(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Chapter 9 pg. 32-36, “Communication in
Marriage”).
Q. My wife likes shouting at the children.
A. Sometimes wives/mothers shout at children because they get tired of saying the same things over and over
again. It may also be that they feel frustrated about the fact that they do not receive enough help from the
husband/father. Out of a feeling of impatience, they may take it out on the poor child.
The chapter on The Total Wife needs to be re-emphasised here. As a mother, a wife must be tender and
accommodating. She must be patient even though she is tired from her several other roles. She must resist the
temptation to vent her anger with her husband and frustration with other issues, on the vulnerable and usually
defenceless and impressionable children.
(Refer to Chapter 13 pg. 53-54, “The Total Wife”).
Q. He does not respect my decisions and thinks I talk too much.
A. Every husband ought to understand the ways in which his wife is different from him. One of the
fundamental differences is that women naturally have more to say about things than men do. They are also interested
in details whereas men like the headlines.
Once this difference is appreciated, a husband will be able to accommodate the seemingly endless chatter of a
wife. This is how women are; they are happier when they know that there is someone to listen to them. (Refer to
Chapter 11 pg. 43-47, “Duties of the Husband”).
Inasmuch as husbands ought to listen to their wives and seek their input in decision-making, it is the duty of the
wife to ensure that her input is usually helpful. (Refer to Chapter 12 pg. 50-52, “Be a Vituous Woman”).
Q. He is too busy for us to talk about ourselves and our marriage.
A. It is normally not easy to hear a critique about one’s performance. Every normal person tries to avoid
situations in which his/her performance in an endeavour is going to be put on the carpet for scrutiny. This might
explain why your husband cannot seem to make time for you to talk about “ourselves and our marriage”. The wife
may probably be making the mistake called “putting up sign posts”. This is a situation in which one advertises their
intention to hold a discussion about serious things, thus scaring away the other party who believes his conduct will
be up for discussion.