Typical Questions of Married Couples and the AnswersThe best thing to do might be to look for an opportune time when you know the other party is quite relaxed and
even happy and, through the employment of wisdom and subtlety, introduce the particular subject you want to discuss
without raising sign posts such as, “ I think we should talk”, “we have to talk” etc.
(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage ––Agape”; Chapter 9 pg. 32-36,“Communication in
Marriage”).
Q. She picks up a quarrel with me at dawn.
A. Picking up a quarrel at anytime is not healthy, not just at dawn. However, it takes two to quarrel so if a wife
wants to quarrel and a husband has nothing to say to fuel the quarrel, the quarrel cannot last. Remember that it is
only by pride that we have contention. If only the husband could avoid pride and listen to whatever his wife has to
say, there will be no quarrel.
(Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 107, “The Key of Acceptance––Accept Peace and Decide Not to Quarrel”).
Q. He doesn’t talk to me the way he talks with others. He ensures that discussions and transactions he
holds with others are kept from me.
A. A situation such as the above may point to a lack of trust in the relationship and a feeling of familiarity,
which, it is said, breeds contempt. Is it possible to critically assess oneself and see if there is a cause for this absence
of trust? Have you been sharing things he shares with you in confidence with other people? Or are you also in the
habit of keeping things away from him?
If there is no trust in a relationship, it will usually not be a lasting one. If you can locate the reason for the lack
or loss of trust, try and repair the damage. Talk about it with your spouse, at an opportune time. If there is the need
for apology, render it and redouble your efforts to repair the trust lost.
(Refer to Chapter 6 pg. 20, “The God-Type of Marriage––Openness”, Chapter 8 pg. 38-30, “Love in Marriage––
Agape”).
Q. My husband does not appreciate me in my hearing.
A. Another thing that marriage thrives on is honour (1 Peter 3:7). Honouring somebody is something that is
done openly. Honouring someone secretly does not make much sense. Husbands must therefore honour their wives
openly. If her food is good, say so openly to encourage her. Don’t only rebuke, but show appreciation openly to
encourage her to do better.
(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 33, “Communication in Marriage––Choose to Speak Life”).
Q. My husband does not listen to me.
A. Wives feel happy when they are listened to. In fact, listening is a sign of love. It is the duty of a husband
to make his wife feel happy. One of the ways to achieve this result is to listen to her talk. Most women enjoy talking.
Wives, your duty is to inform and not to transform. So do that and prayerfully leave the rest to God.
(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 35, “Communication in Marriage––Avoid these things (e)”).
Q. My wife says I don’t communicate.
A. Communication is made up of both the verbal and the non-verbal. There are people who do well in one and
not in the other. In other words, sometimes the things that we say are negated by the things we do. In every marriage
there must be as much speaking as there is non-verbal communication. There must be a balance. Even though it is
said that actions speak louder than words, words also have their place.
It must however be borne in mind that men don’t talk as much as women do, generally speaking. It may therefore
be the duty of a wife to get her husband to converse by leading him on and asking him follow-up questions without
appearing to be an investigative journalist or a lawyer cross-examining a witness.
(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 32-33, “Communication in Marriage––Speak”).
Q. He likes shouting at me.
A. This is usually a sign of disrespect if it is the normal way he speaks. On the other hand, if it is not his usual
way of speaking to you, then it is likely that he is being eaten up by something. Leave him a little and then later on
get back to him and begin another conversation or discussion altogether. At the appropriate time let him know that