Model Marriage
it is in bad taste for him to shout at you.
(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 35, “Communication in Marriage––Avoid these things (a)”).
Q. He speaks to me anyhow and gets angry about little things.
A. Ephesians 5:25 enjoins husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. If
you love your wife the way Christ loved/loves us and died for us, you will be careful about the way you talk to your
wife. That is the standard. Are you speaking to your wife the way Christ would have spoken to the church?
(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 33, “Communication in Marriage––Choose to Speak Life”).
Q. He does not chat with me. He prefers to speak to friends on phone. I only get information from such
conversations he holds with friends.
A. A couple must make every effort to speak to each other (Ephesians 4:15). It is a sign that there is friendship
in the marriage. Sometimes it is difficult for the two to converse, and this is because they may not have learnt to do
so during courtship. It may also be a sign of a deteriorating relationship. It is not right that a husband reduces his wife
to somebody who must only eavesdrop in order to know what is going on in his life.
If there was speaking before and it is now gone, take your time and identify the causes and deal with them. On
the other hand, if it has never been a feature of the marriage, then it is something that you must work hard at getting
in the marriage. At least there must be something that both of you may be interested in. If not, take time to learn the
things your husband is interested in and converse intelligently with him. Don’t leave out prayer. Gradually things
will become better. Remember though, that a man also needs male friends he can talk to.
(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 33, “Communication in Marriage––Choose to Speak Life”).
Q. He does not talk to me about his family issues. His siblings do not leave important messages with me
even when he is absent.
A. It is unfortunate that you do not feel included. You must however bear in mind that at the end of the day he
is the one you are married to, so if he is not letting you into his external family matters concentrate on what concerns
your home.
Don’t complain too much about it. Make yourself happy in your own home. The problem arises where he
chooses his family above you or does not protect you against offences from his family. If he does not allow anyone
to maltreat or disrespect you, but he only does not tell you things about his family, be content. Some people take
longer to open up. It is probably not fatal to your marriage.
(Refer to Chapter 22 pg. 93-95, “In-laws”).
Q. She does not agree with me often and misunderstands me though others don’t.
A. Others who understand you don’t live with you. They may not see all your shortcomings. What you
communicate is made up of the verbal and non-verbal. You may be negating your verbal with your non-verbal
attitude, hence the difficulty your wife has. Take your time, explain things, and let your sincerity about issues never
be in doubt.
(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 32-35, “Communication in Marriage”).
Q. We quarrel when we talk for just an hour.
A. It is obvious that the two of you are not friends. Communication in marriage is not about who can win an
argument to prove that he is smarter. Furthermore, marriage is not a competition between a husband and a wife. It
is a relationship based on love for the purpose of helping each other fulfil their God-given dreams.
It is only when marriage is viewed as a competition that any conversation within it will be reduced to a battle of
words. Take your time and talk to each other, just to enjoy each other’s company and not to assess whether the other
party is speaking sensibly or not. A critical spirit is a sign that there is no love. Love believes all things. Take your
time and develop true friendship in your marriage.
(Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 107, “The Key of Acceptance–-Accept Peace and Decide Not to Quarrel”).