INTRODUCTION
i am pleased to introduce the second and expanded edition of the marriage counselling
handbook that was originally known as The marriage Counselling manual. This handbook, first
published in 1992, and the oldest publication of this ministry, has come about through years of
studying the Word of god and gaining practical experience in marriage.
i realize from my pastoral experience, that marriage and its complicated challenges can
adversely affect most Christians and hinder individuals who are called to the ministry.
i am happy to have written and compiled this book through different stages of my life because
i have learnt from experience that we emphasize different things at different stages of life and
ministry. For instance, i have discovered that an individual's temperament in the marriage
relationship is basically what determines the person's behaviour in the marriage context. in spite
of much counselling, teaching and prayer, most people simply live according to their
temperamental dispositions. These truths were not as apparent to me ten years ago as they are
today. also, male and female behaviour patterns are much easier to predict, as they do not vary
much from person to person.
For me therefore, marriage counselling although basically the same, must be done with full
cognizance of these realities, that is, temperamental and gender behaviour patterns. if pastors
fully understand these important realities, they will not become frustrated when their counsellees
do not change much. i also believe that we will be less prone to divorce when we understand how
much our maleness, femaleness and temperamental dispositions affect us all.
i have also observed complicated situations, which lead to divorce; a phenomenon that seemed
impossible at the beginning of my Christian ministry. i have come to appreciate the contribution
of not-so-easily-diagnosed psychological and psychiatric illnesses in spousal behaviour,
especially in females. Perhaps, in later editions of this book, there will be more reference to such
matters.
recognizing that my marriage experiences alone are limited, i have always tried to tap into the
minds of both men and women on various issues in this book. in so doing, i have gathered different
attitudes and perspectives from all sides including males and females, the educated and the uneducated,
the medical and the non-medical.
This research has also been enhanced by some surveys that were conducted on different groups
and individuals.
all in all, it has been a journey of continuous learning that will never end. i pray that god will
give you wisdom for your marriage as well as wisdom to help others. i pray that every couple
that benefits from this book will have a stable and happy marriage.