365 STEPS TO SELF-CONFIDENCE
Other ‘shoulds’ relate to life, other people and the world in general:■ ‘She shouldhave done better.’
■ ‘He shouldn’tbehave like that.’
■ ‘Things shouldbe different.’
■ ‘Someone shoulddo something about it!’These invariably lead to disappointment, since it is unrealistic to expect
the world to conform to your wishes, and you’ll never feel good about
yourself if you constantly disapprove of everyone and wish everything
were different.213If you’re a ‘should’ sort of person it probably means you were raised by
dominant parents and haven’t yet broken free.
Every time you become aware of a should or shouldn’t thought,
silent or voiced, stop. Ask yourself, ‘Where did that thought come
from? Where’s the evidence that this is how it shouldbe?’ You’ll usually
find there isn’t any!214Stop generalising. eg■ ‘I always...’
■ ‘You never...’
■ ‘You always...’
■ ‘They never...’Keep things in proportion. Just because you’ve made one mistake
doesn’t mean you never get anything right, and if someone treats you
badly it doesn’t mean everyone hates you. Don’t assume just because
one person has been unfair that the whole world is against you.215