365 STEPS TO SELF-CONFIDENCE
Initiate a conversation with at least one new person every day. If you’re
nervous practise deep breathing and quick relaxers beforehand. If it doesn’t
go well to start with don’t panic: learn from it, try again and persevere.291Practise using open-ended questions to initiate conversations, check that
you’ve heard the other person correctly and keep conversations going.
Closedquestions require only a yes, no or don’t know answer, which
swiftly brings the conversation to a close. Open-ended questions encourage
others to speak. For example, asking ‘Are you happy?’ is a conversation
killer, but ‘You look happy – what’s been happening to you?’ demands a
fuller response. Use open-ended questions and prompts such as:■ How do you mean?
■ Tell me more about...
■ Why do you say that?
■ How do you feel about...?
■ What do you think of...?292Develop a pleasing and confident tone of voice. Talk unhurriedly with a
steady, clear tone of voice and breathe slowly as you speak.■ Vary the tone, pace and pitch of your voice. This makes your
conversation sound more interesting.
■ Pitch your voice in the middle range. Nervous people pitch their
voices too high.
■ Your tone of voice conveys emotion. Aim for a warm, mellow tone.
■ Don’t speak too fast or too slowly. Too fast and you come across as
over-excited or tense. Too slowly is boring.Speak into a tape recorder. How do you sound? Few people like the
sound of their voice on tape, but remember, what you hear is how you
actually come acrossto others.293