43 BE A GOOD LISTENER
The Chinese verb to listen is composed of five characters
meaning ear, you, eyes, individual attention, heart.
The art of listening involves all of our being.
Lynda Field
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Commit to becoming a better listener. Real listening means taking the
time and trouble to grasp what is being said to you and reflecting back
that understanding. When someone speaks to you, if safe stop what you’re
doing and patiently focus your full attention on them. Observe their facial
expression and body language. Take responsibility for making sure you
fully understand.
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It’s not enough to listen carefully – you must also show that you are
listening. Use the mnemonic SOFTEN:
■ Smile.
■ Adopt an open posturewith uncrossed arms and legs.
■ Leanforwardandfacethem squarely.
■ Use touchwhere appropriate.
■ Make eyecontact – not too much; up to three or four seconds at a
time.
■ Nodyour head to signify understanding and/or approval.
Do all this in a non-threatening manner. For example, a light touch and
a little eye contact communicate warmth and support, but too much
could be misinterpreted.
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If you catch yourself interrupting stop immediately, apologise, and
invite the other person to continue.
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