365 STEPS TO SELF-CONFIDENCE
If someone upsets or angers you, comment on the offending behaviour.
Attacking a person’s character merely gets their back up and makes it
less likely they will listen to you. Say how you have been affected, and
what you would like to happen next. For example:‘I don’t like it when you... It makes me feel... And if it continues/
you don’t stop, these will be the consequences. I want you to...’Example: ‘I don’t like it when you talk about my friend like that. It
makes me feel as if I can’t trust you. If you don’t stop it, I’ll tell her what
you said. I want you to promise me you won’t do it again.’313The best strategy to deal with aggressive behaviour is to challenge it
immediately. When confronted aggressors often accuse you of being
oversensitive or letting your imagination run away with you, but
sometimes they’re genuinely unaware of how they’re coming across and
taken aback by your comment. Say:‘You’re not trying to make me feel... are you?’
‘You’re not trying to... (hurt, frighten, control etc.) me, are you?’If they try it on again, keep challenging. They won’t like it, but sooner or
later they’ll get the point.314Sign up for an assertiveness course. Make sure it offers plenty of
opportunity to practise with other people. If this is not possible, buy an
educational video or set of audio tapes on assertiveness, and apply it!315