Your self-image began to take shape even before you left the cradle and was pretty
well established by the time you reached the age of 8.
By then, on average, you had already received over 70,000 negative dictates:
‘Don’t do that’, ‘No you can’t’, ‘Who do you think you are?’ ‘You’ll never make
anything of yourself,’ and so on. Most of these were run of the mill reprimands to
which adults attach little importance; but they affect a child deeply and the accu-
mulated effect can be devastating. The truth is, children simply do not have the
ability to distinguish between fair and unfair criticism, or make allowances if the
adults in their lives have had a hard day.
When you pleased your parents, or other adult authority figures, they rewarded
you: they gave you attention and approval. When you displeased them, they
showed their disapproval by withdrawing attention or privileges or, in some cases,
punishing you physically. The means by which a person moulds the behaviour of
another using a combination of reward and punishment is termed conditioning.
You experienced plenty of it as a child, much of it negative. Very few young
people reach adulthood without having their confidence dented in some way.
Once you understand your conditioning you can unravel the knots, dispense
with the ropes that tied you down and leave them behind forever.
(^17) Childhood