18 CONTROL DRAMAS
No matter what kind of journey we make of life,
where we started out will always be part of us.
But only part.
Sir Alex Ferguson
“
”
Divide a piece of paper into four quadrants, one for each control
drama:intimidator, interrogator, aloof, andpoor me.
Think of the influential adults in your early life. If any of these tried
to control you by being loud, aggressive or physically threatening, list
them under ‘Intimidators’.
Note: (a) If either parent was an intimidator, the chances are the
other was either also an intimidator or a poor me. (b) Intimidators tend
to create poor me children.
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Interrogators are less physicallythreatening; they break down resistance by
making sarcastic, derogatory comments, asking probing questions and
finding fault: ‘Who do you think you are?’ ‘Why didn’t you?’ ‘I told you
so’, etc. Interrogators can be cynical, arrogant and self-righteous.
Note: intimidators create aloof children and sometimes poor mes,
both seeking to escape from constant scrutiny. Were either of your
parents an interrogator?
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Aloofsenjoy attention and approval as much as anyone, but employ
quite a different strategy. Often reserved, they believe that others will
try to draw them out if they create an aura of mystery and intrigue:
‘You don’t know what I’m really thinking and feeling.’ They don’t
realise their aloofness may actually prevent them from getting attention,
because the more they back off, the more unapproachable they seem.
Note: Aloofs usually create interrogator children. Were either of
your parents an aloof?
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