KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly

(Chris Devlin) #1

rack where dupes or tickets containing orders hang. So one could say,
"What orders do I have hanging?" and the reply could be, "You got two
steak on order for the deuce on five, three soles are fired." A cook might
ask for an all-day, a total number of a particular item both ordered and
fired, with temperatures, meaning degrees of doneness. And on the fly
means Rush!


A wipe means just what it sounds like: a last-minute plate-cleaning.
Marijuana or mota or chronic is chopped parsley. Jiz is any reduced
liquid, like demi-glace. When one adds whole butter to jiz, one is
mounting, as in monter-au-beurre. Cook well-done translates to "Burn
it!" or "Murder it!" or "Kill it!" When one finds oneself waiting too long
for a well-done steak to finish cooking, and it's holding up the rest of the
order, one can suggest throwing it in the jukebox, or giving it a little
radar love in the micro or microwave.


The latex surgical gloves we rarely wear are anal research gloves, and
one usually puts them on with some theatrical flourish, snapping and
grinning menacingly, accompanied by suggestions to "Turn left and
cough" or "Grab your ankles, 'cause here comes papi chulo". Those paper
toques are coffee filters or clown hats, the checked pants we all wear,
simply checks, our jackets and aprons, whites.


When the boss arrives, it's "Elvis is in the building" or "Pssst, desastre es
aqui!" And the usual nicknames apply to any and all: cooks, waiters,
busboys and runners alike. Crude irony abounds. Cachundo, meaning
"piece of ass", might be applied to a particularly homely runner.
Caliman, meaning "strong man", is reserved for a weak cook, Rayo, or
"flash" to a slowpoke; Baboso, or "drooling idiot" to, well, any drooling
idiot. Any blond, well-scrubbed waiter can become "Opie", "Richie
Cunningham" or "Doogie Howser Motherfucker". Stocky bus-boy?
Sounds like Burro to me. When referring to themselves collectively, my
Mexican carnales like La Raza or La M (pronounced la emaayy), or La
Mafia. Externs from culinary school, working for free as a "learning

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