- Never call in sick. Except in cases of dismemberment, arterial
bleeding, sucking chest wounds or the death of an immediate family
member. Granny died? Bury her on your day off. - Lazy, sloppy and slow are bad. Enterprising, crafty and hyperactive
are good. - Be prepared to witness every variety of human folly and injustice.
Without it screwing up your head or poisoning your attitude. You will
simply have to endure the contradictions and inequities of this life.
"Why does that brain-damaged, lazy-assed busboy take home more
money than me, the goddamn sous-chef?" should not be a question that
drives you to tears of rage and frustration. It will just be like that
sometimes. Accept it.
"Why is he/she treated better than me?"
"How come the chef gets to loiter in the dining room, playing kissy-face
with [insert minor celebrity here] while I'm working my ass off?"
"Why is my hard work and dedication not sufficiently appreciated?"
These are all questions best left unasked. The answers will drive you
insane eventually. If you keep asking yourself questions like these, you
will find yourself slipping into martyr mode, unemployment,
alcoholism, drug addiction and death.
- Assume the worst. About everybody. But don't let this poisoned
outlook affect your job performance. Let it all roll off your back. Ignore
it. Be amused by what you see and suspect. Just because someone you
work with is a miserable, treacherous, self-serving, capricious and
corrupt asshole shouldn't prevent you from enjoying their company,
working with them or finding them entertaining. This business grows
assholes: it's our principal export. I'm an asshole. You should probably