train a chimp to do.
But . . . but Chef, you say . . . how do they make the food so tall? How
can I make my breast of chicken and mashed potatoes tower like a fully
engorged priapus over my awed and cowering guests? The answer is yet
another low-tech item: the metal ring. A thin metal ring, or cut-down
section of PVC pipe, about an inch and a half to two inches tall and
varying inches across, is the backbone of pretentious food presentation.
Just spoon your mashed potatoes in here—or better, pipe the spuds in
with a pastry bag—and you are in business. Just pile it high, slip off the
collar, stack your vegetable, deposit your chicken on top of that, and
you're halfway to making that fuzzy little Emeril your bitch. Jam a
gaufrette potato into the mashed, maybe a sprig of fresh herb, or a nice
pile of ultra-thin julienne of fried leeks that you've cut with your new
Global, and you're talking tall.
Gaufrette wha'? That's French for waffle-cut, and what we're talking
about here is a potato chip. You can do that. All you need is what's called
a mandolin, a vertically held slicer with various blade settings. They
make some very cheap, very effective ones in Japan these days, so it's
not a major investment. One of these bad boys can help you make those
slick-looking, perfectly uniform julienned and bâtonnet-cut veggies you
thought they cut by hand last time you ate out—and it cranks out lovely
waffle cuts with a twist of the wrist. Dauphinois potatoes cut to identical
thickness? No sweat. You didn't think they actually cut those with a
knife, did you?
All right, the mandolin won't cut meat, and it certainly won't make
paper-thin slices of prosciutto. You need a professional rotary cold-cut
slicer for that, like they have at the deli. The home versions suck. But I
highly recommend, if presenting sausage or meat on a buffet, that you
slip the neighborhood deli guy a few bucks to slice what you need before
you arrange it on platters. It makes all the difference in the world. Or if
you have a few extra bucks, read the back of the paper for notices of