How to Build Rapport
Rapport is important in life. If I had only one interpersonal skill in an otherwise dull, boring personal-
ity, that skill would be rapport. No question about it. Rapport is that feeling you get when you look at
someone and instantly think “I will get on well with this person.” Rapport is what bonds us.
Rapport (pronounced “ra-Pore”) is often a difficult concept to grasp. If you want an example of rap-
port, look at this man’s face:
It’s the movie star Jackie Chan, sure, but ignore that for a second.
Pretend you’ve never seen him before. Go on, stare at his face for
ten seconds. What do you think he’s like, as a person? Do you think
you’d get on with him? Try to guess, from looking at his face, if he’s a
nice guy.
Chances are, you will think he’s a nice guy. Very approachable. Look
at his head, how he carries it in a humble, slightly-downward angle,
yet the slight tilt shows warmth and kindness. His smile is mostly
with his eyes, and he shows his teeth which tells us he’s genuine.
These, so subtle mannerisms help make up the concept of rapport,
which can be your most powerful, formidable weapon.
Why? It doesn’t make a stranger think they like you - no. It makes a stranger actually like you. When
people like you, they want to help you, give you business, introduce you to friends, spend more time
with you, buy you lovely extravagant hats, and cook you delicious dinners.
So what’s happening in the brain when rapport occurs?
When we see a nice smiling face, many things occur:
- First the occipital lobes process the light that comes in into a recognisable picture that our brain can
understand. It then sends this picture to the thalamus. - The thalamus takes the picture and shoots it over to the frontal lobes where we become conscious
of the image. However, it also sends the information to many other places, such as the basal ganglia. - The basal ganglia interprets the face and makes unconscious “tags” - for example, the teeth being
shown in the smile is “tagged” as a boosted emotion. At the same time, the rising of various facial
muscles are each tagged as pleasure, happiness, enjoyment, and so on. This information is shot back
into the thalamus which (among other things) compares the information with some of that stored in
the rest of the limbic system.