Chapter 5: Building Attraction
The ―alpha-male‖ is the kind of man women are instinctively attracted to
because he embodies the traits they look for in a man. To learn how to create
this kind of attraction, we first need to learn more about social proof and how
people figure out their values.
Social Proof
Back in our cave-dwelling days, it paid to wait for someone else to try
something first, e.g. eat a new plant, so that we wouldn‘t be the one who got
hurt if it was a bad idea. Once we were even doing something, we still looked
for the approval from others to confirm that we were right.
Now we come pre-programmed to look to other people to see if what we
are doing is right. We look for others‘ approval, and if we don't get it from
them, we automatically think that we‘re wrong in a lot of cases.
If a guy goes up to a girl and starts talking and it seems like she
disapproves, or it looks like her friends or his friends might disapprove, the
guy will allow these thoughts to slow him down. Once you can realize that this
reaction is just a natural process you can overcome, you can free yourself up
to do something different and stick with a theory that works.
So remember... other people are constantly watching you for cues on how
to behave. Think about a coach‘s enthusiasm for his team, and the way people
feel when they are around a strong leader. Emotions are contagious, and
women will feed off of your emotional state when you approach them and
when you‘re out together. Lead the way with a calm and comfortable
emotional state, and people will be naturally relaxed and at ease around you.
The Value of Social Proof
Our sense of self-worth, our self-esteem, is important... but it‘s abstract.
It‘s not quantifiable. You can‘t touch it.
If ―abstract values‖ like self-esteem are just arbitrarily agreed on by
groups of people, then how is this sense of our own value determined?
Because most people never realize that abstract societal values are
arbitrary, they spend their whole lives following everyone else‘s opinion of
them and what they should do.
It‘s kind of a bummer.