situation TRYING CARRIES ALMOST ZERO RISK AND OFFERS A HUGE PAYOFF
IN THE CASE OF SUCCESS.
You might say that thinking of what might go wrong is ―being realistic‖. But
is it? The more things you can think of that might go wrong, the more reasons
you come up for not doing it. You become more certain that there‘s no point,
so the less likely you are to take action.
But there is a chance that you WILL get somewhere if you talk to a
particular girl. And in the beginning, when that chance may be lower because
you‘re just starting to develop these skills, there‘s an overwhelming chance
you can LEARN SOMETHING since there‘s still so many situations you have yet
to experience.
The REAL problem is that once you‘ve run through a failure fantasy like the
one I mentioned and generate fear, IT STARTS TO HAPPEN ALL BY ITSELF!
Just like it's automatic for you to close a door that you just opened, fear can
become automatic too. It‘s a process called 'conditioning', which means that
you've done it repeatedly and trained to automatically react in this way every
time you're in the same situation.
I remember a point in my life where I could spend all night looking at a
woman in a bar and coming up with all the reasons why she probably wouldn‘t
want to talk with me: she probably had a boyfriend, she was probably busy
with friends, she was probably a lesbian, etc.
I was just standing there asking myself what might go wrong, and I came
up with ALL KINDS OF THINGS that could...
Our brains are excellent at coming up with almost instant answers to any
questions we ask. If we ask what might go wrong, then we‘re going to get
some answers... but they‘re all about what might go wrong.
But what if we ask a different type of question? What if we ask our brains
what might go RIGHT?
For instance... What if you asked yourself, ―What kinds of things would this
girl really enjoy about me?‖
When I ask myself these types of questions, I get answers like:
―She‘s bored, and she‘d love talking to me.‖
―I‘m funny, and she could use a laugh.‖
―She‘ll be flattered that a guy is talking to her.‖
―She‘s dressed that way to get attention, and she‘ll enjoy it.‖