I think the mouse-in-the-maze experiment serves as a good metaphor
for people who feel their careers and/or reactions to stress are caught in a
type of repetitious pattern. They eventually feel helpless—and stress gains
mastery over their emotions and their lives. Dr. Joan Borysenko, in her book,
Minding the Body, Mending the Mind,talks about a study on stress with busi-
ness executives and lawyers. Researchers found that the rates of illness
could be lowered with the employment of three significant attitudes of har-
diness toward stress:
1.Commitment. An attitude of curiosity and involvement in whatever is
happening. Its opposite is alienation, denial, or escapism.
2.Control. The belief that we can influence events, coupled with the
willingness to act on that belief rather than become a victim of cir-
cumstances. Its opposite is an attitude of helplessness.
3.Challenge.The belief that life’s changes stimulate personal growth
rather than threatening the status quo.DEFINING THE MESS
In the ARROW Program workshop, I take participants through an exer-
cise to identify the stress valves in their daily routines. Before we can adjust
our appraisals and reactions, we need a better awareness of when and where
these incidents keep cropping up. This way we won’t be caught off guard.
The Stress MESS Exercise helps to increase your awareness by identify-
ing the moods, environments, and stressful situations where you are most
susceptible. Following is my personal worksheet (see Figure 11.1) that helped
raise my awareness of the times, places, and events that I needed to place
my emotional border control on full alert.
The exercise in Figure 11.2 will help you identify the sources of your
stress.
If we listed every situation and personality that causes us to feel stress,
the list would be voluminous. For the purpose of awareness, it is helpful to
list the triggers that happen most frequently or that cause the most radical
response in our systems. Awareness leads to preparation. Once we are aware
of the types of moods, environments, and stressful situations that trigger
these responses, we can begin to prepare new, more positive responses to
stressful stimuli.
The next exercise, “Preparing for Restraint” (Figure 11.3), walks you
through a commonly recurring, stressful scenario so you can rethink your
response.
90 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE