on the business she garnered from two major clinics. She had developed
great relationships with the decision makers at both clinics; unfortunately,
both decision makers had left for greener pastures in the last four months.
New decision makers had entered the picture with the predictable “need
to prove that I know more than the last person” approach to the job. As
luck would have it, both were defensive and highly sensitive personalities—
mirror opposites of their predecessors. Both took the posture that all ven-
dor relationships, no matter how long they had been established, should
come under the scrutiny of due diligence usually reserved for new relation-
ships. Consequently, Mary was facing a logjam, and she began beating her-
self up wondering where she was going wrong in her approach.
Brent was down in the dumps because he was seeing an abnormally
high number of contract opportunities not being accepted in his consult-
ing and training business. He was also getting cancellations on previously
booked business. Financial pressures had created a barely perceptible tone
of desperation in his voice. He admitted he was discouraged but was de-
termined to stay positive. He blamed the economy, acquisitions and merg-
ers, misunderstandings, and self-centered partners for his troubles. After a
couple of conversations with Brent, it became apparent that he was not the
most emotionally intelligent individual who ever walked the earth. He is as-
suming, in-your-face pushy, combative, and flippant.
Eric, Mary, and Brent are three sales professionals all suffering from
what, on the surface, would appear to be the same malady—discouragement.
But are they? When I finished conversing with these three individuals, I re-
alized that, although they all gave themselves the same diagnosis, they were
not suffering from the same affliction. No doubt they were all discouraged,
but the causes of their personal discouragement emanated from three dis-
tinctly different sources.
When people become discouraged, they are often inclined to attach a
sense of personal failure to their discouragement. “If I had done that, this
might not have happened.” While introspection is good in times of dis-
couragement, beating ourselves up over circumstances beyond our control
is not. The three cases cited above are perfect examples of the three dis-
tinctly different origins for discouragement.
In Brent’s case, the discouragement is clearly brought on by his per-
sonal failurein the way he communicates with others and unawareness of
his agitating behaviors. Mary’s case is one of discouragement brought on
by disappointmentstirred up by the impeding and frustrating actions of oth-
ers. Eric’s air of discouragement is rooted in general adversity,in which cir-
cumstances have conspired to cause a dip in his productivity, despite his
tireless efforts and willingness to rethink his approach to business. Failure,
108 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE