DOMINATING THE PAINT
Great NBA centers feel a sense of ownership and jealousy toward the
center lane of the basketball hoop they defend. This lane is their territory.
By their imposing stature and occasionally blocking and misdirecting a shot
of an opponent, these players send the message that they “own the paint.”
They intend to dominate that territory with their presence. Those who are
skilled in the social skill of building rapport have also learned to establish
and jealously guard their spheres of influence in a positive, graceful man-
ner that makes a profound impression on those they interact with.
Intentionality could be described as that emotionally resolved state of
being that is firmly settled on bringing a domination of positive emotions to
interactions. Intentionality is also being determined not to be tricked or pro-
voked into hair-trigger, negative responses. This feature is a hallmark of those
skilled in building social rapport. These individuals are convinced that no
good can come by lowering themselves to the lowest common emotional de-
nominator, and they proceed as emotional leaders in their conversations.
In Emotional Intelligence,Goleman writes about the research of John
Cacioppo of Ohio State University, who has studied the subtleties of emo-
tional exchange. Cacioppo postulates that one major determinate of inter-
personal effectiveness is how deftly a person carries out this emotional
exchange. Those who are adept at tuning in to the mood of others, and
bringing those moods into sway with their own positive state, have much
more successful interactions at the emotional level. Contrarily, he notes that
people who are poor at receiving and sending emotions are much more
prone to relationship problems; people often feel uncomfortable with them
yet have trouble articulating why.
Goleman states, “Setting the emotional tone of an interaction is, in a
sense, a sign of dominance at a deep and intimate level: it means driving
the emotional state of the other person. When it comes to personal en-
counters, the person who has the more forceful expression—or the most
power—is typically the one whose emotions entrain the other.” To exercise
emotional dominance does not require that we dominate the conversation,
just the quality of that conversation. The definition Goleman offers in his
text for intentionality is “the wish and capacity to have an impact, and to
act upon that with persistence.”
Those who are interpersonally effective and competent seem to have
mastered this particular emotional competency. You are exercising inten-
tionality when you determine to be a dominating emotional force in your
territory of influence. This is sort of like the difference between being a sail
that is blown by every emotional wind and being the wind itself.
128 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE