If you respond to arrogant statements based on the speaker’s needs
rather than on their arrogant tones, you stand a much better chance of
connecting and building social rapport. Although you may not necessarily
feel any genuine affection for an individual, you have built an interper-
sonal bridge where most people would walk away. I originally developed
the chart in Figure 15.1 to help customer service representatives respond
to clients who called with issues or complaints. Many sales professionals
have found these prescribed responses quite valuable when dealing with
negative clients who are spewing poisonous gases.
Rehearse some of these responses so that the next time you are con-
fronted with cynicism, arrogance, attacking, etc., you are not caught off
guard. You will be amazed at the level of rapport that can be established in
negative situations with intentionality. Remember, intentionality is about
the wish and capacity to have an impact and to act upon that wish with per-
sistence. The difference is in your intent.
You can take offense, which is akin to breathing in the poison, or you
can convert the poison into energy by reading and responding to the un-
derlying need. Of course, if you face clients who are so notoriously negative
that it requires a gas mask to sit in their presence, you may want to question
how hard you want to have work at the emotional level to keep such clients.
MAKING PAR FROM HERE
“My buddies and I play a golf game every week. One aspect of
the game we reward is making par after a terrible tee shot. We call
it the ‘all-American par,’ and we treat it with great respect, because
you have to keep your head to make it happen. I try to take this
same approach to mistakes I make in work and life. When I goof
up, which I inevitably do, I just tell myself, ‘I can make par from
here.’ ” —Jerry A., Sales RepresentativeOne of the most difficult times to keep your emotions in check is when
you have just made a costly interpersonal mistake and you are attempting
to recover it. Either you get discouraged, or you try to justify the mistake—
and both will sink you.
Anthony sold parts and had been working for a long time to grab a key
account from his competition. It looked like his opportunity had finally ar-
rived, and he was scheduled to come in and make his proposal. Just before
his meeting, Anthony was informed by someone inside the company that
they were entertaining his proposal just to be able to go back to their cur-
rent supplier, drive their costs down, and push the service level up.
130 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE