“Most of our body language is beyond our control.... Few peo-
ple are aware of all their physical reactions to the world around
them, and fewer still can always control those actions, even if they
want to. Manners and poise may be consciously learned, but facial
expressions, eye blinking, leg crossing, and nervous tapping are
difficult to consistently repress. I’ve seen enough people on the
witness stand to know that it’s nearly impossible to control body
language, even if one’s fate depends upon it.”EMOTIONAL ADVERTISEMENTS
Because physiological chemical reactions shift into gear as emotions are
felt, the symptoms or signals of this brain/body reaction are instantly ad-
vertised on the face and body. When making a presentation to a client, it is
important to be aware and highly attuned to this fact. People don’t have
time to think about sending signals; it just happens. The emotions they feel
trigger an automatic motor response. When we are angry, we tense our lips.
When we are doubtful, we raise our eyebrows. When we are disgusted, we
wrinkle our noses. When we sense a lack of credibility, we roll our eyes.
We must be conscious of unspoken signals at two levels—those we see
and those we send. The reason we should think about the signals we send
is because signals easily can be misinterpreted. For example, I noticed that
my wife and children would often ask me, “Are you mad?” because of my
habit of pursing my lips and narrowing my eyes when I’m concentrating.
Their brains were telling them that I was displaying the facial language of
anger, which actually is my facial language displaying intense thought.
Just as the cerebral calculator in our brains can deliver faulty logic or a
wrong number, so the intuitive calculator can deliver the right interpretation
in the wrong context. Once my children became aware of the context (paper
and pen or book in hand), they no longer asked me if I was angry when they
saw that look on my face. This is why it is dangerous to believe that body lan-
guage doesn’t lie—because of the fallibility of our interpretations.
I have heard people teach how to read body language in a manner that
suggests, “Every time you see this, it means this... .” This sort of thinking is
naïve and only serves to narrow our interpretation of the context of the sit-
uation and to shut down our empathy capabilities. My intention here is to
raise awareness of body language, not to narrow that awareness. A more re-
liable interpretation of body language signals is “When you see this, it usu-
ally or quite often indicates this... .” A less dogmatic view will keep your
emotional radar from jamming.
The Face You See / The Face You Show 147