response and control simultaneously. The full smile indicates both upper
and lower teeth and in a professional setting is most likely to be perceived
as inappropriate. In a group, when only one individual smiles to this ex-
tent, that person is typically perceived to be out of control or inappropriate.
The simple or “self” smile shows the upper lip turned up (without showing
the teeth) and indicates smugness.
FACE THE MUSIC
Most of us tend to give substantially more weight to the face than other
channels of nonverbal communication such as posture, gesture, or eye con-
tact. This emphasis probably stems from our belief that facial language re-
veals much about personality and character. This emphasis on the face can
become problematic when we ignore the signals coming from gesture, pos-
ture, or the eyes. Have you ever seen a prospect smiling and nodding ap-
proval, yet leaning toward the door? All signals should be taken in balance
to become nonverbally literate.
KEY TO POPULARITY AND SOCIAL SUCCESS
Empathetic acuity—the ability to read the feelings of others—has been
correlated in studies with popularity, better adjusted emotional lives, and,
not surprisingly, better love lives. Robert Rosenthal, a Harvard psycholo-
gist, learned this by developing a test of nonverbal sensitivity that he has
conducted with over 7,000 adults in 18 different countries.
In a test he developed for children, Rosenthal found that those who
showed an aptitude for reading feelings nonverbally were among the most
popular in their schools, were among the most emotionally stable, and were
better performers in the classroom—even though their IQs were not higher
on average than those who were not empathetically literate.
The implications of this finding are profound. The only ways to ex-
plain this superior performance, not dependent on IQ, are:
- Empathetic ability smoothes the way for classroom effectiveness.
- Empathetic ability causes students to be better liked by their teach-
ers and results in some degree of favor.
Here again, we are faced with evidence of success hinging on EQ as
much or more than it does on IQ. The empathetic children in the class-
room are a perfect analogy for the effective sales professional in the field.
152 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE