tions such as what qualities they were looking for in a sales professional and
the types of people they liked and disliked working with. As they answered
those questions, one could clearly observe their personality styles. I have
developed a training exercise on this skill set, where I show this video to
sales professionals and they can observe firsthand how clear personality sig-
nals are.
Start observing right away. As soon as you set this book down, turn on
your observational skills. Start looking for signals in the following cate-
gories: demeanor, eyes, face, physical style, conversational flow, style of ques-
tioning, and vocal patterns. Rather than just meandering through
conversations, make mental notes—observe! These signals are fascinating
and make every conversation much more interesting.
The Togetherness Personality
Let’s begin with the visual clues the individuals of the Togetherness
personality will transmit. Here is what you will see.
- Their demeanor is friendly but not effervescent.
- They are calm and passive.
- Their eyes are soft, caring, and approachable.
- Their physical style is nonthreatening, and they typically allow others
to take the lead. - They tend to mirror other’s mannerisms.
One visual clue to look for in identifying a Togetherness personality is
the nod. Individuals of the Togetherness personality unconsciously nod as
a way of affirming the person speaking.
During camera interviews with scores of clients from each personality
group, I also observed another visual clue for identifying the Togetherness
personality. After answering a question, they would look at the interviewer
with a questioning look, as if to say, “Was my answer OK?” Instead of punc-
tuating with an exclamation, they punctuated with a question mark. Their
need for approval, as well as their nods to provide approval, are automatic
features of the Togetherness nature, which they cannot easily hold back.
Next, let’s examine the auditory signals of the Togetherness personal-
ity. The conversational flow of the Togetherness personality is responsive,
respectful, and cooperative. Observe the types of questions you are asked
by the Togetherness personality. You will hear role-oriented questions such
as “What is expected of me?” or “What will you need from me?” or “How will
you support me?” These are what we might call “hand-holding” questions.
158 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE