causes you to cringe with embarrassment because of an emotional outburst
that seemed justified at the time because you were all stirred up? You blew
your top, and like a bottle of coke opened after shaking, there was no way
to take it back. We’ve all had these moments in our lives because of a lack
of restraint skills.
In the second section of this book, I discuss the “stress mess” that we
create in our lives by not having a game plan for managing our moods,
events, stressful situations, and challenging people. Relational progress can
be quickly sabotaged and wiped out in those few seconds where we lose it.
Once we become aware of what is going on chemically and emotionally in
our brains at those moments, we are better prepared to manage feelings of
anger, hostility, disrespect, and embarrassment.
In this section I also explore the viral spiral that occurs when we fail to
properly manage negative emotions. If we are not aware of how our nega-
tive emotions impact others, our relationships are adversely affected. And,
because of the strain on our relationships, new issues rapidly develop, caus-
ing relationships to deteriorate into this downward viral spiral. Without re-
straint, we can allow ourselves to be dragged down into a virtual cesspool
of negative emotions.
Restraint is the powerful emotional skill that keeps destructive emo-
tions in check. Restraint also prevents us from barging ahead in situations
that require patience—not pushing too fast or getting ahead of clients.
Those who possess restraint and continue to nurture this skill move to un-
precedented levels of self-confidence and relationship-building skills. We
all know that negative emotions cannot be entirely avoided. There will al-
ways be people who manage to tick us off. However, the degree to which we
are affected by their actions (our reaction) is regulated by our own emo-
tional intelligence.
Resilience
Does any career require the same degree of resilience as the sales pro-
fession? Each day in this profession you are expected to endure rejection,
disappointment, inaccessibility, runarounds, difficult characters, and slashed
budgets (sometimes all before noon) and come back smiling and ener-
gized for the next “opportunity.”
No doubt some people are equipped with thicker skin than others, but
that does not mean that resilience is strictly a gift of genetics. While a degree
of resilience seems to be imprinted by nature, a large degree of resilience—
or the lack thereof—is a learned behavior of attitude, logic, and response.
6 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE